Eve M. Cooper Blog

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Archive for the category “Whimsey”

Can I Have Some Morphine Now?

Let’s talk about adjectives medical people use. Descriptions should be standardized! For example, I have heard doctors tell people going in for abdominal surgery that they may experience some discomfort and to take Tylenol as needed. SOME DISCOMFORT? Are you kidding me! If there is any time I could think of to label something painful, I’d think surgery would qualify. On the flip side, I’ve known some medical people to go berserk when viewing a red ear canal exclaiming how painful it must be. Painful ear? Uh, no. I’d call it uncomfortable, aggravating, irritating, some discomfort involved…but not painful. I know, I know – I’m describing things according to my pain threshold. Last year, I went to the doctor with a red ear and when he looked inside, he kept going ooh and aah, then made this whistling noise while sucking air in between his teeth. He asked me how bad it hurt then wondered how I was standing it. I just looked at him with a question on my face, like what are you talking about? Hmm, I wasn’t thinking quickly enough. I should have asked him for some morphine. Once, when I had a little surgery, I asked for morphine and was told Tylenol would be sufficient. (Well, I know that…but, when can I get some morphine?)

Cheese Biscuit, Please!

For the first part of my growing up years, we always had Sunday dinner at B’s house. (B is what I called my grandmother. Her name was Isabelle but my granddaddy called her Bell. B is short for Bell.) When I was just a little thing, I remember B making homemade biscuits. Some of them would be plain and some of them would have cheese inside. We would sit around the table on Sunday waiting for her to join us so we could have a blessing, and she’d bring with her a basket of biscuits covered with a towel. She would look at each of us and ask, plain or cheese? I would be itching with anticipation and when her eyes fell on me, I’d holler in a 4 year old voice, cheese! Then, she’d give me a biscuit with cheese oozing out the sides. Sometimes I would eat the biscuit, but every time I would eat the cheese. I always sat beside her at the table because she was mine. I’d eat cheese biscuits that she’d stuffed extra full (because she knew that’s how I liked ‘em) as I sat beside her at the table. Funny what you remember, isn’t it?

Hmm . . . feathers. Tasty!

Ha! Ha! Listen to what happened a little while ago when I took Reba on a walk. (Reba is my rescued doggie who looks like an Australian Shepherd with short legs.) Usually, she stays beside me or in front of me. We were walking beside a lot of pine straw and I realized, she was behind me and wasn’t in any hurry to catch up. Hmm. I watched her. She was chewing something and some pine straw was sticking out the side of her mouth. Wait…she doesn’t eat pine straw…something may be stuck to the pine straw…shazam…NOT PINE STRAW. It was a dead, half-decayed blue jay and his hind feathers were sticking out of her mouth! I screamed at her, “Drop it!” She said, “No way Jose!” I told her to drop it again but I knew the command was futile. I reached down, grabbed the feathers sticking out of her mouth, yanked them (to hopefully yank the bird from her mouth) and the feathers just easily slipped out of the bird’s carcass. I almost vomited. Seriously! I almost could not hold back; but I did. I wasn’t able to get the bird out of Reba’s mouth and she swallowed it. We walked a lot after that because I thought she would get sick and I wanted her to get sick outside. No such luck. She seems to be digesting it fine. I have chicken wings thawing to bake tonight. I thought about my friend, Beth, who doesn’t eat chicken wings because sometimes they have tiny feathers still attached. Yummy. I’m not sure I will be able to eat chicken wings now. If even one of those wings has a feather on it, I won’t be able to get it down. I suppose I’ll give it to Reba. She doesn’t seem to mind feathers.

Yucky Delicious Food

When I was little, I ate pimento cheese. Somebody gave it to me, I liked it, so I ate it. Once, when I was about 12 years old, I was whizzing through my grandmother’s kitchen while she was mashing up pimentos with the back of a fork. I didn’t know what it was, but it certainly got my attention! I asked what she was doing and she told me, mashing up pimentos to make pimento cheese. The realization that I’d eaten the same type of science project that she was doodling with just about made me sick. Later that day, when the pimento cheese was made, she asked me if I wanted some and I emphatically said no. She asked why because I’d never refused it before. I told her I couldn’t eat something so gross and I was horrified that she and mama had given me disgusting food to eat and they were using the fact that I trusted them against me and didn’t they love me more than that? I told her I wouldn’t feed her something so gross. She just shook her head at me. A couple of months later, I began eating pimento cheese again. I realized that sometimes something disgusting is good to the palate. Case in point – shrimp. I bought a pound of medium sized unpeeled shrimp for dinner. I shelled them and de-veined them. With all my heart, I can certainly say there isn’t much grosser than deveining shrimp. That little weasel is kind of slick/slimy and the digestive track is sticky and totally disgusting. This is coming from a person who has dissected worms, frogs, pigs, sea urchins, eye balls, sex organs, and whole cadavers. Yes, deveining a shrimp is the worst! The black, gelatinous alimentary canal would adhere to the slime on my thumb and I’d have to flick it off into the sink. Sometimes I’d have to flick several times before it gave up clinging to my skin or fingernail. I could almost not eat the shrimp after having my hands in them. Well, I remembered the lesson I’d learned about pimento cheese. I proceeded to skewer the shrimp, give them a coating of Old Bay, and grill them (well done). They were delicious! While I was eating my shrimp, I sincerely thought about their prior yuckiness and, after the transformation from heat, they really weren’t yucky anymore. Good. I always have enjoyed eating shrimp and am glad I didn’t ruin myself. So, I eat manually masticated pimentos and slime from the sea and really like both.

Ready, set, go!

My very first post on my very first blog! I do not feel that I have a lot to say (write) but a friend tells me that I have. We’ll see how this goes. Stay tuned for more…

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